Livi June's Birth Story, Part 2

August 24, 2013

I couldn't believe she was finally here! My little girl was finally here! I started to panic and asked the nurses to wash my hands. I was paranoid that I had been taking care of Ty and hadn't washed my hands. I was worried that I had "Hand Foot and Mouth" germs on me. She looked so blue to me. I know most babies come out a little blue, but I was immediately worried. They placed her on my chest, and started vigorously rubbing her up and down. A nurse was washing down my arms, and so I didn't really hold her, she was just laying on my chest. Clarke cut the chord. I kept asking why she was so blue, and they reassured me that she just needed to pink up a bit, and that she was fine. I knew though. Something wasn't right. I told them something was wrong. She wasn't getting any more pink, if anything her coloring was getting worse. Clarke kept telling me how proud he was of me that I did it, I went natural. It felt funny to me because I knew that it wasn't exactly by choice that I went natural, but it was sweet anyway. They finally took her from me, and went across the room to see if everything was ok. They hooked her up to the monitors, and things got serious really quick. Her oxygen levels were at 40%. A normal baby should be anywhere from 90-100%. They very calmly explained that they needed to take her to the nursery to run some tests, get an x-ray, and get her on oxygen. I was worried about the x-ray of all things. I didn't want her to be exposed to radiation at such a small age. Clarke and my mom went with the baby, and I was left all alone. Luckily, my labor really did go smoothly, and I didn't have any rips, or tears down under. Small miracle right there. There was a really sweet nurse there with me who didn't leave my side, and helped clean me up. I think I was in shock. Everything had happened so fast. It didn't feel real. It was the strangest feeling knowing that I had just had a baby, and now everyone was gone. I asked the nurse to get me my phone. It felt really weird just hanging out waiting for news.

Clarke finally called and told me that they had done an x-ray and were going to life flight her up to Primary Children's hospital, because of something with her heart. I started to panic. The nurse told me that they wouldn't take her without letting me say goodbye, but that I needed to stay in bed. I wasn't having any of that. I knew I needed to get to the nursery. I told the nurse that she could wheel me there, or I would walk myself. By no small miracle, I felt great. I honestly did not feel like I had just had a baby. As crazy as it sounds, I feel so grateful that my labor progressed as fast as it did, and that I barely made it in time to the hospital to have her. If I had gotten an epidural, I wouldn't have been able to move my lower body. There is no way they would have let me go into the nursery. I would have had to wait alone, while everything happened.

When I got to the nursery, which didn't look like a nursery to me, I don't remember there being any other babies in there. It might have been a room for situations like ours, but I'm not really sure. There was a lot of commotion. The life flight crew was already there. My mom called my dad who was working at the fire station and told him what was going on. She also called my brother Mason and told him to come. They were trying to get an IV on her, but kept missing. It made me angry, and I remember thinking I could do a better job getting an IV than they were doing. There were so many people surrounding her, that I could barely see what was going on. They finally got an IV on her, and were working on trying to get her stabilized enough to transport. At this point, she wasn't doing very well at all, and things weren't looking good. Even on oxygen, they still weren't able to bring her oxygen levels up. She was hooked up to all sorts of monitors. They explained that they needed to intubate her. My dad was there, and asked if he and Clarke could give her a blessing before they intubated her. The life flight nurse wasn't too happy about it, but my dad was a little pushy about it, which I'm so grateful for. Both he and Clarke reached in, through all the chords, tubes, and nurses and gave her a priesthood blessing. There was way too much chaos and noise in the room for me to hear it, and afterwards I asked my dad what was said. He didn't give great detail, it was a short blessing, but he did tell me that he blessed her that she would live. I held onto that, kept repeating it in my head, and felt a small amount of peace.

I remember a couple people being really concerned with me, and asking me if I needed anything. I really felt great, I was way too concerned about my baby to worry about anything. The only thing I could think of that I needed was food. I was starving! We knew we had time before they were going to leave with the baby, so my mom ran to the car to grab some food. While she was gone, something happened. The intubation tube slipped, causing her to go into cardiac arrest. Everyone was in a panic. The monitors starting going off like crazy, and I watched in horror as they started doing CPR on her. The whole thing was very surreal. I've worked in the ER and had seen this scene so many times, only from the other side. I've done CPR, I've been in traumas and been one of the people working as quickly as I can to safe a life. I've seen some happy endings, but in most situations not so happy endings. I knew what they were shouting, I knew what the colors of their scrubs meant. In some ways it was good that I understood what was happening, but I almost wish I didn't know what was happening. I knew she was going to die. I knew it was bad. I could sense the panic in the doctors voices. I started bawling. I felt so alone. Clarke was to the side of the commotion, standing, watching. He looked scared, but calm. My dad was close by the doctors so he could see everything, silently crying. I was in a wheelchair, close by, but not in the way. No one was with me, and I desperately needed someone. Never in my life have I prayed so hard for anything. I begged and pleaded with Heavenly Father not to take her away from me. I was angry. I thought, how can she have had a blessing less than 5 min ago, saying she would live, and now she was going to die?? She didn't even have a name. I hadn't even held her. Her brother would never meet her. I thought about what they do when a baby dies, I knew that the bereavement team would come, clean her up, wrap her in a blanket, take pictures of her, and take footprints, and handprints etc. I'd seen it all before. I couldn't believe that I was going to loose her so soon. I started to loose faith. My chest felt a weight that I can't describe in words. I begged and pleaded for her to LIVE. One of the names we had previously talked about as an option, was Livi. I pleaded over and over and over again for her to please just live. I needed her to live. I started to call her Livi, even though I knew that Clarke needed to help make the decision. I just felt like that would be her name (We didn't officially name her for 3 days).  I called out to my dad, and had him come sit with me. I cried to my dad and told him I needed him to help me because I had lost all faith. My dad through his tears held me, and spoke words I can only describe as ones that my Heavenly Father wanted me to hear. I don't remember everything he said. He did say that he didn't understand why God takes children away so young, but that I would be able to raise her in the after life. He talked about eternal families. But mostly, he just held me and we cried together.
They did CPR on her for 6 minutes. To some that might seem like a short amount of time, but those 6 minutes were the longest 6 minutes of my life. They finally got a pulse again,  and her heart started beating on it's own. I prayed silently, thanking my Heavenly Father for bringing her back to me. I again felt a sense of peace that things were going to be ok. My chest was still heavy though, and I feared that when life flight took her, that I might never see her again.
My brother Mason arrived shortly after they revived her, and it may not seem important to the story that he was there, but having him there meant the world to me. My dad and Clarke were close by the baby, asking questions, and watching closely as they continued to try to stabilize her enough for flight. There were still a ton of people crowded around her, and all I wanted to do was hold my baby. Mason came in, and was emotional, but such a good support. He sat with me, and held my hand. I honestly just really needed someone to talk to me, to hold me, and to make me feel not so alone.

Clarke asked the life flight pilot if he would allow him to fly with the baby. Normally this isn't an option, and parents have to drive separately to the hospital. The pilot agreed to let him fly with them, which made me feel so much better about having her go. They allowed me to come next to her little bed, hold her hand, kiss her, and tell her goodbye. She was hooked up to so many cords and wires, I honestly couldn't even get a good idea of what she would look like without them. I worried that if something happened to her, I wouldn't even remember what she looked like. Before I knew it, they had loaded her into a small little box on the gurney, and were wheeling her away. I followed them for as long as they would let me, and then stood at a window on the 3rd floor, and watched as the helicopter took off with my husband and baby girl.

Livi June Beckham's Birth Story, Part 1

August 24, 2013

4:00am I woke up to pee for the tenth time that night. Only this time, I realized I had woken up with contractions. I went to the bathroom, and kept telling myself this is NOT happening. Ty was still sick, my to-do list wasn't done, and I just needed more time. After waiting for about 20 min and having a few more contractions, I started crying. I really was so upset. Clarke woke up with a start and asked what was going on. Through tears I told him I thought I was in labor. My sweet husband surprised me by getting really excited, and having the BEST attitude about the whole thing. I remember him saying "August 24th is the perfect day for a birthday!" He was excited that it was a weekend, and he wouldn't have to worry about work etc. I kept telling him that this was just false labor, and that today was a terrible day to have a baby. I was such a party pooper. When it was obvious that the contractions were not stopping any time soon. Clarke got up and decided we needed to have a good breakfast to start out the day. He made really yummy french toast, and the whole time was just super giddy and positive. I started to accept that this probably wasn't false labor, and that I was going to have a baby today. 

I started to become really stressed about all the things I needed to do. Clarke was more than willing to help out with my ridiculous list of things to help me not stress as much. I don't remember everything that was on the list, but it was things like: All the laundry, sweep/mop the floors, sanitize EVERYTHING, dishes, trashes, vacuum, I remember there was a load of baby clothes someone had given me a few days earlier that I needed to fold and put away,  clean out the fridge, etc. I am a little OCD about things being really clean, and there's nothing quite like having a perfectly clean house. I wanted to bring home our baby to a nice clean house, and not have to worry about a thing for a while. Plus, there's nothing worse than leaving your house with dirty laundry, trashes, or dishes in the sink and having that awful smell after a few days. Yuck! So we started getting things done. By about 8:00am my contractions slowed way down. I kept apologizing to Clarke, because I had this sinking feeling that it really was false labor and I had woken Clarke up at 4:00am for nothing. I got really tired all of a sudden, and decided that I was going to go back to sleep. 

I woke up from my nap at 11:00am, with some contractions again. These contractions felt more consistent, and like they were actually going somewhere. I showered and got ready (have to look good for the pics!) Clarke got more serious about helping me get my list of things done. I remember him making fun of me for how ridiculous some of the things were, but being willing to do them anyway. I remember him filming me and asking me to say all the things that needed to be done before we left for the hospital, I'm sure if I were to watch it again, I would think I was ridiculous too. 

I let my mom know I was in labor, which was kinda funny since for months she had been saying that today was the ONLY day that I couldn't go into labor because she had a work conference she absolutely couldn't miss. I told her to stay at her conference since I was sure that I would be in labor until late tonight, or even early morning the next day. Luckily she decided she had better leave, and she was ready to help at any time. We made arrangements for Ty to go to Clarke's parents. I also called my best friend Malena Everill to let her know what was going on. My midwife had talked me through the process and told me that I could go to the hospital at any time, or call her at any time. She also said that I didn't necessarily have to call her myself to let her know I was in labor, but that the hospital would call her when I arrived. She did say though, that if I wanted to labor mostly at home it would be a good idea to wait until my contractions were 4-5 min apart, for 2-3 hours (Or something like that, I can't remember exactly). At around 2:00pm when I called Malena, my contractions were getting really painful and were about 4-5 min apart. I hadn't been laboring that long, so I thought for sure it'd be a while before I would go in. Since I couldn't talk through my contractions, and had to put the phone down through each one, Malena convinced me to call Julie (my midwife) and let her know what my status was. I am SO glad that I did. She seemed surprised that I had waited so long to call her, and said that it was probably a good idea to get packed up and head to the hospital.

My list of things still wasn't done, but by this point I wasn't very helpful. I remember laying on the bed on a big pile of baby clothes that I was trying to fold, and having painful long contractions, and then just laying there out of energy until the next one would come. Every once in a while I'd get a burst of energy and try to help, but I was pretty much useless. This whole labor thing was much more painful than I remembered with Ty. I told Clarke that he needed to hurry, and that we needed to go ASAP. He was hilarious, and told me that he was hurrying, but that we couldn't leave until his list was done. And he was dead serious. My contractions seemed to shift, and all of a sudden I wasn't ok. They were hard, fast, and extremely painful. I was sure my neighbors would come running to see what all the yelling was about. Ty seemed to be so confused as to what was going on, and kept coming over to give me hugs and tell me to be happy. Such a sweet little guy!

My plan this time around was to try and go natural. I had wanted to go natural with Ty, but I was deathly ill the week before he was born, was extremely dehydrated, had gall stones, and a hiatal hernia all at the same time. So needless to say, I had no where near the energy I needed to go natural, and I was completely ok with that. Epidurals are a beautiful thing. I was really excited that this time around I wouldn't need to be induced, and I would see how my body handled normal, non-pitocin labor. All along though, I knew that if it got too bad and I felt like I needed an epidural, I would get one. I talked Clarke's ear off about all the risks for epidurals, and how non-medicated births are easier to recover from etc etc etc. I told him that if at any point in my labor I decided I wanted an epidural, that he should remind me of all the reasons I didn't want one...

The contractions were so horrible. There are no words to describe just how painful they were, other than to say it's the worst pain I have ever experienced, and could ever imagine experiencing. They were coming on fast, and hard. I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. I finally told clarke that we had to leave NOW, and that I needed an epidural an hour ago. All of a sudden that big list of things to do, was the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Nothing else mattered, except for getting out that door. It seemed like an eternity before Clarke could load all the bags and Ty in the car. Clarke came back down the stairs to get me, and I could barely walk. I had to crawl up the stairs, and was crying/yelling the whole time. I remember my neighbor was doing yard work, and looked at me like I was a crazy person. Also, it was raining. Why? Why did there have to be a stupid freak rainstorm in the middle of August on today of all days?? We had been needing to get new tires on a car for a while now, but kept putting it off. Our tires were pretty much striped, and had no traction, which = dangerous to drive in the rain. I told Clarke to drive fast please, and he responded very calmly and said that he would go as fast as he could, but that he had to be very careful so that we wouldn't hydroplane. I guess getting in a car accident while in labor, would be a bad idea... 

I think that we got into the car around 4:15ish. My contractions were still about 3-5 minutes apart, so I was thinking that I would labor for a few more hours once we got there. I was convinced that I would get an epidural and everything would be fine. Originally the plan was to drive Ty to his parent's house in Sandy which is about 10 min off of the freeway exit, which would add an extra 20 min of driving, plus the time to unload Ty etc. I told Clarke to call his dad and have him meet us somewhere, to save us time. Because of the rain (curse you rain!) there was stop and go traffic on the freeway. Seriously? Within a few minutes of being stuck in traffic, I started to feel a lot of pressure down low. My contractions sped up, and I had this sinking feeling. Through my contractions I told Clarke to call his dad again and tell him to meet us at the hospital. There was no way we could stop. I think Clarke called my mom too, and told her to meet us at the hospital doors.

A few weeks before, we had jokingly been talking about what we would do if I had the baby on the side of the freeway. Clarke had it all planned out. He would bring his headphones with the speaker on it, and have 911 on speed dial. That way, when they had to talk him through delivering the baby, the headphones would allow him to be hands-free! So thoughtful! I guess all that talk paid off, since Clarke was prepared with his headphones on, and 911 on speed dial. I started to feel the need to push as we were getting onto bangerter highway (about 15 min away from the hospital). Clarke kept saying "Hold it in! We're almost there!" I tried so hard not to scream, I knew that Ty was really confused and scared in the backseat. He kept wimpering, but was mostly quiet in the backseat. I couldn't help it though, I thought I was going to die. I prayed that I would just die. I actually remember praying the whole time that I would make it to the hospital, and not have her in the car.

As we rounded the corner to the hospital doors, I remember seeing both my father-in-law Randy, and my mom waiting at the doors. Thank heavens! I threw open the door, as the car was still coming to a stop, and my mom grabbed my arms. I ran screaming into the hospital like a crazy person, and was seriously running as fast as I could, which was not fast at all. More like a fast walk. A tech from down the hall, saw the commotion, and grabbed us a wheelchair. I sat in it, and bless my mom's heart, she ran down the halls at an incredible speed.

When we came flying down the hall to labor and delivery, they ushered us right into the first room. I imagine they could sense that this baby was coming fast. I stood up, and quickly started ripping off my clothes. There was a lot of commotion. I remember the nurses trying to get me into a gown, and trying to hook a baby monitor to my belly. They kept telling me to hold still, haha not going to happen. Sorry! They asked if I wanted an epidural, and I remember my mom telling me there was no time for an epidural. Which makes sense now, but at the time, I was in so much pain I wasn't thinking clearly. The pressure was so intense, a nurse quickly checked to see where I was at, and then started freaking out and yelling commands to everyone around her. I was at a 10, completely effaced and whatever else they say to indicate that this baby is coming NOW. I remember crying and saying "Who's going to deliver my baby?" and all the nurses saying "We are!"

As all this was going on, Clarke had given Ty to his dad, parked the car and ran upstairs to find me. He got lost though, and was trying to get into the "Mom and Baby" unit, but the nurse wouldn't let him in without a code. He was so frustrated and kept telling the nurse, my wife is in there having her baby, I don't have a code!! Luckily they figured it out and sent him to L&D just in time, because both he and my midwife walked through the door just in time.

My mom and a nurse each had one of my legs as I pushed. I remember looking up to see Clarke run in, and my midwife Julie ran in, someone handed her a gown, as my water exploded everywhere. I say exploded because I swear it was like someone threw a water balloon at me, I pushed and out came my baby girl. I don't know exactly how long it was, but from the time I pulled up in the car, to the time I pushed her out, was around 10 minutes. To think that if we had left 10 min later, or if the traffic had been worse, I seriously could have delivered her in the car. Such a miracle! Heavenly Father was definitely watching over me and my family. Looking back, it was just as I was blessed by my dad in that blessing a few days earlier. My delivery really was smooth, with no complications. Just a little intense.

At 5:22 pm, my little 7lb, 7oz baby girl was born.

Pre- Birth Story for Livi June

     Finding out I was pregnant with Livi was such an exciting time. I had wanted to be pregnant so badly, I wanted Ty to have a little brother or sister close in age, so that they could be little buddies. I knew I was pregnant before I ever took a test. Clarke and I were on a romantic overnight getaway, and I was SO sick. It came on pretty fast, and I was so bummed that I was about to ruin this getaway we had planned on and worked hard for. The weird thing was that it didn't feel like flu, it felt EXACTLY what it felt like to be pregnant with Ty. When I was pregnant with Ty I was sick every single day for the whole pregnancy, so it's hard to forget what that feels like. I knew I was pregnant. I told Clarke I was probably pregnant. When we went to dinner at the Cheesecake factory, I was so sick while we were waiting that I even told the hostess that I was pregnant and needed bread NOW, or I was going to puke. Haha never mess with a hungry pregnant woman... After getting some food in me, my symptoms weren't as bad, and Clarke and I were able to have such a fun memorable night. At one point I begged him to let me go to the grocery store and grab a pregnancy test. He convinced me to wait though. Which looking back was really smart. I'm glad that we waited, and let the night be about me and him, instead of focusing on a pregnancy.

     The day we went home, I obviously had to go grocery shopping. Our fridge was bare, and I was antsy to get a pregnancy test. I bought the test, and then went right into the store bathroom and peed on a stick. I was pregnant! I did a little dance in the bathroom. :)

     I wanted to tell Clarke in a creative way, since he still makes fun of me for how I told him with Ty. (I was sooooo deathly sick with Ty I could barely move. Clarke walked in the door from work, and I was moaning, pulled out the stick and showed him the test. Super Lame I know, but I was just so relieved I wasn't dying and there was a reason for all the sickness. I was way too sick to think of anything clever/cute. I still regret it, and he still laughs about it.) I decided to write "Big Brother" on a onesie and have Ty wear it and see how long it took Clarke to see it. It was cute and fun, and took Clarke like 2 seconds to see that I was pregnant. It was such a fun/exciting time for my family.
     We announced our pregnancy by taking a picture of Clarke and Ty together, and then me a few feet away. We edited the picture to say Clarke/Ty + Lanaya = 4. We gave my mom a picture frame with the picture in it for her birthday, when she opened it in front of the family, she said "Oh that's cute!" but didn't get that it was an announcement until my sister yelled "You're pregnant!" With Clarke's family, we made little Valentines with the picture in it, and handed them out. Everyone was really excited about it, and really willing to help out with Ty since I was so sick. 

     Pregnancy with Livi was not as bad as it was with Ty. I was still REALLY sick, but I was still able to be a good mom to Ty, and work in the ER with the help of zofran (miracle drug I swear!). The last few months of my pregnancy I was even able to say that there were days/weeks I didn't feel sick at all. I had always heard that each pregnancy is completely different, so when Livi wasn't much of a mover, I didn't think too much of it. I just remembered Ty moving non-stop, so I thought that was normal. I would talk to Clarke about it often, but he would always reassure me that I was worrying too much, and everything was fine. My doctor calmed my fears, and said that sometimes babies just choose to move less. Still though, in the back of my mind, I worried. I had this nagging fear that something wasn't quite right. I put it off though, as just pre-baby jitters. I had had multiple ultrasounds through the actual OB office, AND at my work (perks of working in the ER). Every single ultrasound was amazing! Perfect heartbeat, perfect baby, lots of movement, perfect features. There was nothing to worry about.
     I was so excited when I found out she was a girl!! I had hoped for a little boy. I thought that having them so close together would be so fun for Ty to have a little buddy. I knew that if I had a boy, I'd be set. I have everything for a boy. I know how to be a mom to a little boy. Having a girl though, would probably break the bank, I mean lets be honest... How can you not want to buy everything in the little girl section at the store? Little girl things are just so stinking cute!! Clarke guessed that it would be a girl all along. :) When I found out she was a girl, I was ecstatic! I've always known I wanted a little girl at some point, and I immediately got so giddy just thinking about it.
     We had 2 gender reveal parties with both of our families. It was Easter time, so we bought blue, and pink eggs and did a little easter egg hunt for everyone. If there were more blue than pink it was a boy, and vice versa. It was hilarious to watch everyone, including adults run around the house in a frenzy looking for eggs, and shouting out colors as they found them. With both families, we hid one pink egg REALLY hard, so that it would come down to the very last egg to know the gender. The suspense and build up was awesome, and I'm glad we made it such a fun time for everyone.

     It was finally August! I was ready to have this baby. I was huge, uncomfortable, and so tired of the summer heat. I got sick 2 weeks before my due date with an annoying cold. I was SO bugged, and although everyone around me kept saying "Any day now!" I kept thinking, NO WAY. This baby is not coming when I'm sick. I don't want to get my newborn sick. How awful would that be? I decided I was content to go 2 weeks overdue if that's what it would take for me to be healthy. A week before I was due, Ty got really sick. He had "hand foot and mouth." Worst childhood illness ever. I wouldn't wish it on any mom/kid. He had horrible bumps all over his mouth, feet, hands, stomach. The worst was around his mouth. It was so bad, that the bumps themselves got infected. He looked gross, and miserable. Luckily "Hand foot and mouth" isn't contagious to adults, just kids. I was so stressed that the baby would come, and get the same thing... I made a plan. This baby would not be coming. I told her that she better get comfortable because she was going to be late. I was dead serious when I said I wanted to go 2 weeks over. If I did go into labor, we'd have family take care of him until he was 100%, and then we would bring him home. We planned to disinfect the entire house when I went into labor, so that when we came home there wouldn't be a risk of her getting sick.
     Ty got really bad one night. His fever was so high, he was in a lot of pain, and really lethargic. I hated that I couldn't do anything for him. I asked my dad to drive over and help Clarke give him a blessing. Before my dad left, I asked him if he would give me a Father's blessing. I was feeling a lot of stress with the baby coming, and everything else that was going on. It was such a sweet blessing. I was blessed that I would have no problems with labor, and that everything would go smoothly. I can't remember the exact words, but I do remember that my dad blessed me that I would have the patience, strength, and faith to deal with having another child. The way he worded it, to everyone else might seem like he was just blessing me to be able to handle having 2 kids etc. But to me, I knew that something was wrong, and that I would need to have a great amount of faith and strength to get through what was about to be my life. I tried to tell myself that I was just stressing. I decided to not think about it, and just focus on non-labor vibes and my list of To-Do's. There were a bunch of little things that in my mind HAD to be done before she came. Some would call it nesting, but I think Clarke just called it crazy.

A Trip to the ER

This little man decided that he wanted to see where his mommy worked. So he climbed where his mommy and daddy told him was a "No-No" behind the couch, and fell into the brick fireplace ledge. I saw him just before he fell, and before I could grab him, he tripped and I waited for that earth shattering scream... and boy was it earth shattering...

I scrambled to pick him up and blood was gushing from his head. I totally saw this coming. I knew that brick ledge was going to cause problems, and that's why we went to great efforts to block it off so Mr Ty wouldn't crack his head open. He is obviously way too smart for us. :)

Thank goodness for my job in the ER though. All that work has finally paid off, and I can put it to good use! I calmly assessed the laceration to see if it needed sutures (Which it did), controlled the bleeding with a pressure bandage, and calmed the boy down.

I decided at this point it was probably a good idea to change out of my PJ's before going into work to see all my co-workers. I've always dreaded the thought of being in an actual emergency and looking like crap, or getting in a car accident and not having clean underwear etc. and having to go into work and have my good friends see me at my worst.. I know it sounds silly, but it's a real fear of mine! So I'll be honest... I may have put on deodorant, and brushed my teeth before rushing in. His bleeding was controlled after all? Don't get me wrong though, I still looked like I had just climbed out of bed. (It was early morning). 

Anyways, lucky for me I am blessed to have the best co-workers and Dr friends in the world! Ty was super excited to see all the new cool things in the ER, and he loved all the attention he got! I may have brought the whole bag of goldfish crackers, and while waiting for the Dr, I might have let Ty eat almost the whole bag. Seriously though, this kid was shoving his face, possibly overdosing on the Goldfish. I figured it was ok though, I'm well rehearsed in the protocol for overdose patients... and I'm pretty sure we were in the right place if something went wrong. Nothing like an injured child to make his mommy spoil him rotten. Seriously though, I felt SO bad!

I didn't want him to be sedated, so we used a topical numbing, and I just held him down while the Dr. Sutured. It was probably pretty traumatizing for him to have his mom hold him down while he was getting sutured. He was hysterical, and kept looking at me like "Why?" I have held down lots of other peoples kids in the ER and I'll admit, sometimes it makes me a little emotional because I feel so bad for them. I always thought that if I was the parent, that I would get emotional too, and not want to watch. I surprised myself by staying totally calm, not even a little bit emotional! I should get a sticker or something. :)

5 stitches later, I have one good looking boy with stitches just above his left eyebrow. He was a little mad at me afterwards, and cried for another 10 min or so. But now he's a happy camper, and doesn't even realize he has stitches on his head. 

Ty man waiting to get sutured up. This is his "Gangsta" Face

Ty getting super sleepy. I love that he sucks his thumb, so cute!

Overdosing on the Gold fish

The little stinker hours after the ordeal, with his new stitches in his eyebrow!

Ty's 1st Birthday!

Ty on the way to his birthday party!

I cannot believe my little man is already ONE! Where has the time gone? I swear it was just yesterday that I went through the hardest day of my life to get him here, and ended up with the most perfect little baby I've ever seen. Ty is by far my greatest accomplishment, and my greatest Joy. I cannot imagine my life without him. People talk about "waiting" to have kids until you've been married longer, or until you are ready. Well, Clarke and I weren't expecting Ty as soon as he came, but I am SO grateful Heavenly Father had a bigger plan for our family, because Ty has strengthened our marriage, and made our lives so much happier than we ever could have imagined. There is never ever a dull moment in our home, and we wouldn't change it for anything! 

Ty is the sweetest little trouble maker. If there's something he shouldn't be getting in to, he'll find it. Seriously though, this kid has talent! It amazes me how quick I have to be on my toes with him. I turn my back for one second, and he's already got the whole roll of toilet paper unrolled, his toys in the toilet, the neighbor doggie's poo in his hands, my cell phone in the bath tub, the trash in the trash can thrown all over the house, the whole box of q-tips spread through the bathroom and q-tips up his nose, dad's nice computer cord has been chewed on, school textbooks ripped to shreds, toys down the heating vents.... I could go on and on. Like I said earlier, there is never a dull moment with this kid. 

Ty loves anything to do with Balls. Or anything round. He will kick around a ball all day. He loves goldfish and most crackers, he loves to be outside, he loves walks, he loves going on runs with mommy, he loves animals, loves to give mommy and daddy kisses, he loves to read story books, he loves his blankets and if you give him one, his thumb immediately goes in his mouth. He loves to scream with excitement, he loves the bathtub and anything water. Ty can say dada, wow, and was-tha (which we thing sounds like "what's that?"). He started walking at 9 months, and ever since then I've been trying to keep up with him. He's so smart, and a quick learner. He loves to wrestle, and gets jealous with Clarke and I cuddle. He'll run up to us, and climb right in between us and just giggle. It's the best!

I love this little guy with all my heart, and feel so blessed to be his mom!

Ty was so excited to have balloons in the car! (on the way to his birthday party)

For his birthday, we decided to keep the party pretty small with just family. He gets overwhelmed with a lot of people, and gets really shy, so we wanted him to have fun and not be cranky. We still had quite a few people there. My family, Clarke's family, Grandparents, and Malena and Ariel (they might as well be family!).

I wanted to do a themed party, and so I went with a "Goldfish/Pirate Theme" Mostly because one of Ty's favorite things is Goldfish. I had a pretty tight budget, so I made everything myself, and I love the way it turned out! 

Ty was still kinda overwhelmed with everyone that was there, but he did love opening his presents and playing with his new toys. He didn't really like the cake smash, he mostly cried. I don't think he like having his hands covered in cake. I think the happiest he was all night was when Arielle came over and the 2 kids sat on the floor and ate goldfish straight from the jar. 

I'm grateful to everyone that came and supported our little family in our little stepping stone. 

I can't wait to see what this next year brings for our family and see how much Ty grows! :)

Birthday Banner!

 I made a picture collage of pictures from every month up until his first birthday. It's so crazy to see how much he's changed over the past year!

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My subway art

Gold fish crackers, subway art, and Fish bait (Gummy worms, and Gummy octopus's)

Cupcakes with little Pirate Toppers

 I was so proud of my cake! I found this cute little pirate bathtub toy, and then made the cake to look like an ocean, and a beach! I thought it turned out pretty cute!

Fish Eggs, and Swedish Fish

"Sea Water" Yummy!

The whole table all decorated

Me and Ty before the party started!

Family Photo! We just love this little guy!

Ty and his favorite Uncle Mas!

Ty and Uncle Tan man

Mac+ Mac's boyfriend, Jen and Britt

Grandpa and Grandma Beckham with baby Owen

Makai and Tate

Aunt Jen, and Uncle Andrew

Ty getting really excited about his new toys.

Uncle Tate helping Ty with his new hammer

Ty with his firetruck

Ty loves his new book!

Grandpa Beckham tradition (One dollar for every year, plus one to grow on) Ty was super excited about his 2 dollar bill!

Ty with Grandma Greer

Ty with Grandpa

He was really excited about that shoe...

Ty with his best friend Arielle and my best friend Malena

Bunny kisses

Ty and Arielle eating Goldfish on the ground.

Changing leaves

We took advantage of the changing colors early this year, and took a drive up to Brighton Ski Resort. The weather was perfect, and the scenery was absolutely beautiful! We had just run the dirty dash, and we were so excited to wear our matching shirts. We didn't have someone to take pictures for us, so we used the handy little "10 second timer" on my camera, and set it up on the car for some family pics! It was the perfect Sunday drive, even Ty loved it. Mostly because we let him out often to play in the dirt, eat the leaves, and suck on rocks. We're such good parents! :)

Love his little kisses!

Ty spends most of his time eating rocks and dirt. We spend most of our time trying to stop him.

This poor kid just gets smothered with kisses

BYU game with Tan Man

A couple weekends ago Clarke went out of town on a campout with the Young Mens, and left me with an extra ticket to the BYU game. What's a girl to do? Oh yeah... Get another handsome date to go with her! So I decided to take my little brother Tan man with me. 

Tanner is such a stud, I seriously don't know where he came from. He's just such a good kid. He works with special needs kids, volunteer's his summers to be a counselor at a camp for kids with muscular dystrophy, he wants to eventually work with special needs kids or troubled youth, he's nice to everyone, a spiritual giant, he's always making good choices, puts me in my place, and does not care one bit what other people think of him. Oh yeah, and just recently he took a special needs girl to homecoming! How cute is he? So needless to say, I had the cutest date in the whole stadium! (Sorry Clarke). haha We had a blast just chatting the whole time, and barely paying attention to the game. Now that's my kind of date! When I go with Clarke, he's usually so focused on the game that he doesn't want to chat with me about mindless things. No fun! 

Tanner and I have always had a special relationship. We used to play flashlight barbie, and house, and he was always happy to let me dress him up. He has always been my little buddy, and took great pride and joy in trying to scare off all potential boyfriends, he was actually pretty clever. I would always get even though, usually by some type of wedgie torture... I love this kid so much, even if he does call me "Thunder Thighs..."

The game was a blow out. We killed the other team, I think they might have been wearing blue? Who knows, I wasn't paying that much attention. 

Oh and also... Note to self, if you are trying to sneak in food to the BYU games, it might not be the best idea to stick popcorn up your shirt to look preggo, just in case you run into people you know... It gets pretty awkward trying to explain that NO, I am not pregnant... I'm just sneaking in food... haha

Isn't he a cutie!

I'm definitely going to miss this kid when he heads off on his mission... Less than a year before this boy turns 18 and leaves me! So proud of him for wanting to go early, but it's going to be hard to say goodbye for 2 whole years!